The Fourth Trimester

A friend with children similar in age to Leo and Phoebe asked me recently if I, like her, had found myself responding to couples' news of pregnancy with the appropriate, "Congratulations!" but inside was really shaking my head in commiseration because they have no idea what's ahead. While I can't say I'd found that to be the case I did know where she was coming from. Having children is hard work! It quickly humbles you and tests your mettle like nothing else. As we talked further we agreed that with your first child, everything is so new and exciting and you have all the time in the world to be amazed by this new little life in your arms. The sleep deprivation sucks to be sure but hey, you and baby can have a nap in the middle of day. When you welcome your second child though, despite it being just as wonderful and special, there's still another little person who needs you too. A nap for Mummy can't always happen, even when it's sorely needed. And that's when you realise the work of motherhood.

After saying good bye to some visitors when Phoebe was 2 weeks old, Joel came back to the lounge room and found me in tears on the couch. Nothing was wrong I told him, but the overwhelming realisation that I was now the mother of two children really hit me and while I felt wonder and awe, I was also scared. How was I ever going to manage this?

One day at a time was the practical and reassuring response.

For the most part, our transition to a family of four has gone relatively smoothly. I can say that now in retrospect. Leo's behaviour did regress and we found that difficult at times. I remember crying to my Mum over the phone and lamenting that every time I had spoken to Leo that week it had been something negative. Her wisdom? He's grieving for when it was just he and I so be patient. I hadn't thought of it like that but when I did, things changed. 

I don't remember exactly when we found our feet as a family of four and more specifically, me as a stay-at-home-mum-of-two but somehow we did. Phoebe is now 14 weeks old which means we've reached the end of the fourth trimester. I've certainly felt the shift. There's a peace I have that was missing in those early weeks. Our days have now found an easy rhythm and if feelings of overwhelm begin to set in as they can do, it's nothing that some baby smiles, a cup of tea and Little Bear can't soothe.